


the sinners are much more fun

by watchthestars



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Catholicism, Eventual Smut, Hand Jobs, Loss of Faith, M/M, Masturbation, Religious Conflict, hyuck is catholic, mark is an atheist, overuse of the phrase 'good christian', this honestly isnt great but i love writing about religion so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchthestars/pseuds/watchthestars
Summary: sometimes living like a good christian is boring and inescapable, but donghyuck knows nothing else. he just knows to do what others ask of him. and if they ask him to be a good christian, donghyuck will do just that.but there is one thing that is there to drag donghyuck into the depths of sin and leave him questioning whether it’s even worth it to try and be a good christian.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 169





	the sinners are much more fun

lee donghyuck swears that he is a good christian, through and through. he spends 2 days a week at church, he’s an altar boy, he volunteers to help whenever he is needed. his family is well respected at saint catherine’s, and he knows that they value their position as good christians more than they may value anything else. donghyuck attends a catholic school, for goodness sake. everyone would expect the boy to be good to the core and never stray far from his faith.

and truly, lee donghyuck tries to be a good christian. he wants to make his family proud. he has 2 little sisters who he knows will follow him, so he does what he’s told, and is good, and goes to church, and does everything that’s asked of him.

but deep down, donghyuck knows it’s a front he is forced to put on. he doesn’t necessarily love going to church or having to wake up at 6 for his altar boy duties, but it is something he must do. he must do it because he knows his family is watching, and he has been told that god is watching too. donghyuck needs to live up to their standards. donghyuck  _ has  _ to be the best, and if it takes being a good christian to be the best, that’s what he will do.

sometimes living like that is boring and inescapable, but donghyuck knows nothing else. he just knows to do what others ask of him. and if they ask him to be a good christian, donghyuck will do just that.

but there is one thing that is there to drag donghyuck into the depths of sin and leave him questioning whether it’s even worth it to try and be a good christian.

‘that one thing’ goes by the name of mark lee.

mark lee is not a good christian. mark lee isn’t even christian. he spends most of his time stating how stupid his parents are to force him to go to catholic school when he is so clearly an atheist. mark falls asleep during church and finds it hilarious to lie during confession. mark makes fun of all the altar boys and always makes crude jokes. he is the talk of the school half the time, and the girls from their sister school are always gossiping about how he is so rebellious and attractive. 

mark and donghyuck met in middle school. donghyuck truly despised mark, and he knew mark felt the same. mark was one grade older than donghyuck, but with the same last name, they were always sat next to each other. and when they did, the two never stopped arguing. mark called donghyuck a good boy and whispered bad things in his ear, and donghyuck told him he was going to hell and that he was crude.

but when alone, donghyuck would admit to himself that mark really  _ was  _ attractive and that he envied how everyone, boys and girls alike, studied mark’s every move. donghyuck was also jealous of how confident mark was to be an atheist in their catholic school, to walk around making dirty jokes and not respecting their teachers. he knew that for some odd reason, he admired mark. but donghyuck never let out any of these good things. because mark was a sinner, and good christians were supposed to hate sinners.

and so, they hated each other, and honestly it was exhausting to have to hate someone so much when you saw them all the time. but donghyuck did what he should.

it also did not help whatsoever that mark and donghyuck lived down the street from one another and their parents were friends. mark’s parents thought bringing him around a good christian family would influence mark, and donghyuck’s parents were kind and so of course they wanted to help out their friend’s problem child. they had dinner together several times a month, and mark and donghyuck spent the whole time glaring angrily and kicking each other under the table.

and then there was the fact that for some reason, mark and donghyuck’s friends always ended up sitting next to each other at lunch. donghyuck’s best friend renjun had grown up with mark’s best friend jeno, and he insisted on sitting with them, saying ‘jeno wasn’t so bad’. but donghyuck had no problem with jeno. jeno didn’t pull donghyuck’s hair, or knock over his drink, or wink at him all weirdly.

so yeah. mark lee and lee donghyuck would always hate each other. mark lee was a sinner, and lee donghyuck was a good christian. it was simple. nothing could ever change that. 

well.

fast forward 3 years, 3 years of dinners and arguing and growing and school lunches, and mostly everything is the same, but now the two of them have tripled their previous disdain for one another, naturally. but with the growing disdain came the growth of them as people, and suddenly everything didn’t feel as simple.

one day during mass, donghyuck was doing his altar boy duties when he noticed mark staring at him. mark had grown, especially recently, his face much sharper and his hair almost jet black. and right now he looked at donghyuck with the strangest gleam in his eye. it felt as if he was almost staring into donghyuck’s soul, and his eyes shone with a feeling donghyuck was unfamiliar with. donghyuck had to pull his eyes away because his face suddenly felt so oddly warm.

donghyuck had thought about it later that night while folding laundry, and his face warmed up in the exact same way. he imagined mark’s pale skin, and dark hair, and teasing eyes. 

donghyuck shook his head. he was scared what else he’d imagine if he kept thinking.

the next day at lunch at school, mark sat down right next to donghyuck and was obviously glaring at him. donghyuck decided to ignore how fast his heart started beating when he saw mark’s face.

donghyuck had glanced to the side. “why are you staring at me?” he asked, scrunching his nose in disgust. 

mark, looking oddly content, blinked slowly. “no reason.” he murmured. donghyuck looked at him for a moment more, but when he saw mark’s eyes drift down to stare at his lips, he looked away, eyes wide and face hot.

donghyuck reached forward and grabbed his water bottle so tight his knuckles turned white. he had to control his breathing, and most importantly, he could not look back to mark. but boy, was it tempting. mark was tempting. he really was like the devil.

that night in bed, donghyuck stared up at his ceiling, reminding himself that he hated mark and that  _ lusting _ for him was most definitely not god's will. 

donghyuck remembered the last time he felt like this. 2 years ago, he had an undeniable crush on johnny suh. johnny was  _ much  _ older than donghyuck, but he was so kind to him at church and told the funniest jokes. donghyuck had tried not to succumb to the realization that he was gay. but he couldn’t fight against himself. he knew there was only so much he could do when it came to how he felt about someone. 

donghyuck had prayed over being gay more times than he could count. he’d apologized to god, he’d begged for forgiveness, he’d simply cried. but he knew no good would come from any of that. so, as he had done with any foreign feelings for his entire life, he had pushed it down. and any time he noticed na jaemin’s abs when they played soccer, or any time he had a hilarious conversation with wong yukhei, he chose to ignore it. because donghyuck couldn’t change if it was true or not. all he could do was hide it.

but this. donghyuck rolled over in his bed. it was almost 1 in the morning. he let out a breath. this was something different. mark lee was something different. 

his crush on johnny had been bad, but this was so much worse. because johnny was kind and a fellow good christian. he was handsome, but still humble, and he laughed with donghyuck, and even donated his own personal money to the church. he was the boy a good christian would love. but mark lee was none of that. mark lee was mean and wasn’t even a christian. he was handsome, but arrogant, and he laughed at donghyuck, and he even swore at school.

and the worst part of it all was that donghyuck knew  _ that  _ was why he was so tempted. because mark was everything donghyuck had never been allowed to have. sometimes donghyuck wanted to vent his frustrations and just yell fuck, but no, he had to be a good christian. sometimes donghyuck wanted to rebel against authority, but no, he had to be a good christian. and even sometimes, donghyuck wanted to kiss another boy, but no, he had to be a good christian.

as donghyuck drifted into sleep, he wondered if it was really even worth it to be a good christian.

-

the following week, after mass, donghyuck was talking with his parents about how powerful the sermon about human attraction to sin had been, (it had hit painfully close to home), when all of a sudden, mark and his family had approached them. donghyuck licked his lips, apprehension making him dizzy as mark strutted towards him. mark’s eyes glittered with that unfamiliar emotion, and donghyuck felt butterflies in his stomach.

“mark had a very interesting idea.” mark’s father had said, pushing mark forward to speak to donghyuck’s parents.  _ this should be good _ , donghyuck thought. mark’s parents had always looked disappointed when showing people their son, but now they looked... proud of him? donghyuck knew mark had something up his sleeve, and from the looks of it, donghyuck was in trouble.

“do you think i could come over a few days a week for donghyuck to give me some lessons? you know, from the bible. i’m afraid i’ve been from god and he’d be a great influence on me.” mark spoke, and donghyuck’s mouth fell open.

donghyuck met mark’s eyes and mark smirked at him.  _ smirked _ . donghyuck scoffed. who did he think he was? and what was he trying to achieve?

to donghyuck, mark’s sincerity was so clearly fake and he  _ knew  _ there was some evil plan stirring in his head. but for some unknown reason, donghyuck’s parents  _ believed  _ it. and yes, yes, yes, they said, so proud their son could be a teacher to the misguided son of their dear friends.

as their parents began to speak, donghyuck reached out and grabbed mark by the arm, pulling him away to ask what he had just gotten them into. donghyuck glanced around, making sure no one else could hear them. he leaned close to whisper. “what are you trying to do?”

“oh me?” mark blinked in fake innocence. “i need to realign myself with god, so of course i came to the king of the prudes to learn your ways.” he added a smile at the end. donghyuck tightened his lips, wanting to shout. how could he want mark so bad when all he did was tease him?

“why would you want to  _ hang out  _ with me? you hate me, i hate you…?” donghyuck asked, raising his brows. 

mark smiled even more and donghyuck realized that from that sweet smile, you could never imagine the conniving fox that he really was. “do you hate me, donghyuckie?” mark asked.

donghyuck felt his face get hot. (it  _ really  _ did that a lot recently.) he cleared his throat, afraid of what mark was implying by asking that. “we’ve hated each other forever.” donghyuck said, more as a statement to himself rather than to mark. 

“lately, it doesn’t seem like you hate me at all, donghyuckie.” mark scrunched his face in mock confusion. “i wonder what that’s all about?” 

donghyuck’s breathing felt heavy and his head was spinning. he felt cornered, but also he suddenly felt so oddly courageous and  _ wow _ , he didn’t know if mark had always looked so handsome. but, he took a second. he caught his breath. and reminded himself to do what he was told. to be a good christian.

“i don’t know what you mean. i’d never wanna associate with you.” donghyuck basically sneered. and for the first time, he realized just how much he sounded like… well, a prude. but he pushed away that thought. he should want to be a prude, if being a good christian made him one. he’d just have to get used to the sour taste the word left in his mouth. 

mark had laughed at that statement in a way that sent shivers down donghyuck’s spine. mark leaned closer, and whispered even softer, “oh, maybe you don’t want to associate with me here, in your house of god. but why do you think i wanted to come to your house?” donghyuck felt as if he might faint. mark was so close to him that donghyuck could feel his breath hot on his face, and mark was blinking all slowly and donghyuck realized what that unreadable emotion was. desire.

“why?” donghyuck asked, noticing how scared he sounded, and not caring. 

mark smiled again. that sly, evil, devilish smile. “i’m sure you’ll wanna associate with me there, hyuckie.” the nickname lit donghyuck on fire from the inside out. he stepped back from mark, trembling in his footsteps.

donghyuck paused for a moment to think. a part of him was yelling at him that this was not what he was supposed to do, this was not what a good christian would do. he should deny mark, and call him a sinner, and tell him how disgusting he is. but if mark was disgusting, donghyuck was too. because the fire that mark had lit within him burned so fervently that donghyuck thought he might die if he didn’t take this opportunity and give mark the chance to consume him whole.

donghyuck internally apologized to himself and to god. he was not holding himself back now-- he just couldn’t. this was everything he’d ever wanted-- to break the rules.

donghyuck licked his lips and tried to sound fierce as he said, “tuesday, after school. my house.” a surge of pride rushed through donghyuck’s veins as he saw  _ shock  _ on mark lee’s face. never in a million years would donghyuck think he could shock mark lee. 

mark blinked, in awe. “you’re up for the challenge?” he asked, still cocky as always despite his shock.

donghyuck shyly smiled, feeling a lot more bold now. this was his chance. he didn’t have to try and impress mark lee-- he didn’t have to try to be good. because right now, it felt like the whole world revolved around him and mark in this moment, and it felt like no one was watching. and with no one watching, donghyuck had no reason to try and be good. 

“show me what you got.” donghyuck responded, and mark smiled at his confidence. donghyuck smiled back.

“i don’t know what’s gotten into you, but this seems a lot more fun than o mighty christian donghyuck.” mark said. donghyuck wanted to reply,  _ you, mark, you’ve gotten into me and you’re making me want to sin and giving me a chance to and i should stay away but i really, really don’t want to.  _ but he didn’t. he kept it simple.

“tuesday.” donghyuck nodded to him, and mark smiled and nodded back. as donghyuck turned away, he felt the burn of mark’s eyes against the back of his head and he savored every second of it.

-

on the way home from church, donghyuck pressed his head up against the window in the car and sighed. he had never felt so content with himself. he had just broken his own rules-- he  _ flirted  _ with mark, he had given in to the devil, which was most definitely not what a good christian would do.

but donghyuck smiled as he realized that he really didn’t care. he had always been told to be good, be nice, and honor god. and he had always done so.

the thing was, donghyuck had never wanted that. but this-- donghyuck wanted this. it was the first time he had consciously wanted something that he wasn’t told to want. and it felt good to want it, to strive for it. especially because he knew he shouldn’t. he was aware that it was bad and it was wrong and that he shouldn’t do it. but that was what made it so fun, so thrilling.

donghyuck glanced up to where his mother and father sat in the front seats of the car. blissfully unaware. they believed donghyuck was going to help mark. they would never imagine the fact that their beloved son would ever  _ lust  _ for another boy, let alone it be mark lee. 

donghyuck felt even happier at the fact that no one else knew. this betrayal of his faith was only between him and mark. it felt secret and special and donghyuck savored the fact that everyone would continue to think he was a good christian. 

he admittedly did feel a twinge of guilt at the fact that he was being ‘bad’, as any empathetic human would. but donghyuck hoped that if they had ever come to find out, that his parents would understand. donghyuck had watched enough teen movies to know that you have to rebel as a teenager to get valuable life experience. and donghyuck had built up enough good karma to compensate for a few mistakes.

when donghyuck’s family arrived home, he had rushed upstairs to his room. he shut his door behind him and took a moment to do a little jump for joy. just a little one. 

he turned to look at himself in his mirror and was smiling so hard his cheeks ached. he could never had expected it would feel so amazing to finally do something  _ wrong.  _

donghyuck then had a realization that ceased all his other thoughts. what would he do when mark was actually here? would mark… kiss him? he felt his cheeks get warm at even the thought of kissing mark. but then donghyuck realized mark would probably want to do… more. 

donghyuck sat on the edge of his bed, deep in thought. could he do ‘more’? he honestly wasn’t even sure he knew what ‘more’ was. donghyuck suddenly grasped the fact that he didn’t exactly know  _ how  _ to be bad. mark was experienced with being bad, so surely he would have done more with girls… or maybe boys? donghyuck wasn’t sure about which gender, but he was sure that mark knew far more about all that stuff then he did.

donghyuck let his shoulders shrug as he pouted. well, this sucked. what was he supposed to do? mark was  _ really  _ going to think he was a prude now. which, in all honesty, donghyuck was, but not by choice. there wasn’t good sex education in their school, and all the knowledge he had gotten was about a man and woman and that was no help.

donghyuck tilted his head in thought as he tried to tell what ‘more’ could even be-- he imagined the logistics of a few different formats and situations, but he figured he was probably wrong anyways. 

he threw himself back on the bed, blinking at his ceiling. donghyuck hadn’t even ever jerked off. he actually learned what that was only last year, of course through mark’s friends at the lunch table. he had tried once in the shower, but he was so terrified that his parents would hear him that he stopped before it even got good. 

donghyuck sat up and listened. his mom was downstairs cooking dinner, and his dad was probably watching some war documentary in the living room. he heard one of his sisters on the phone with her 7th grade boyfriend and his other sister was outside playing with her friends.

donghyuck breathed and glanced at himself in the mirror. “better late than never?” he whispered to himself. 

donghyuck smiled to himself as he got up and went to get in the shower. he finally felt like he wasn’t trying to convince himself that he was someone that he was not. he nodded to himself with determination. he could be a good christian around everyone, but he was still a normal teenage boy who needed to do normal teenage boy things. such as rebelling against his parents and masturbating.

at first when he got in the shower, donghyuck leaned his head back and enjoyed the warm water. but then he pushed his hair back and did what he came there to do. 

donghyuck had no trouble coming up with something to think of. he imagined tuesday, imagined mark lee in his bedroom standing next to him. he’d lean so close to him, and his breath would be so warm, and then he’d ask to kiss donghyuck. 

donghyuck reached down stroked himself, putting his other hand on the shower wall to hold himself steady. it was a foreign feeling, but it wasn’t anything bad. he sighed. he imagined that he would say yes mark, please kiss me, and mark would pull him close and kiss him so hard it would take his breath away.

once donghyuck got a rhythm going, he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. he felt warmth deep within his stomach, and it felt like he was reaching for something. so he sped up his hand, and the bliss he felt was indescribable. he leaned his head back in pleasure, cursing his past self for not doing this sooner. donghyuck gulped and imagined his idea of ‘more’, where mark would lean down and touch him and tell him he was beautiful and how badly he wanted him.

donghyuck let out a noise that was almost like a whimper and his hand stuttered, as he was surprised with himself. he didn’t even know he could make that noise. but he realized he sounded almost… sexy. donghyuck sped his hand back up and bit his lip to contain any more sounds. but now, he was even more turned on with the fact that he sounded like that. sexy. and he imagined mark telling him that, that he sounded sexy and then donghyuck imagined that his hand was mark’s hand and soon it felt like all of donghyuck’s energy went into moving his hand, and now the heat within his stomach felt like it was reaching its peak and he bit his lip so hard. 

donghyuck came into his hand with a low moan spilling from his lips accidentally. he opened his eyes, panting, but he with a smile on his face. he’d never felt something like that, so raw and physical and amazing. he leaned his head up against the shower wall, water beating down on his back.

and now his face was warm again, but when was it not. donghyuck felt  _ dirty  _ for doing that, but he felt like he could get high off that feeling. donghyuck decided that he needed that. he needed mark to touch him, he needed ‘more’. 

he closed his eyes blissfully and thought that if it had felt that amazing by himself, surely he would ascend to the heavens if he did that with mark. and as he thought of mark, he didn’t think of any of his concerns about wanting to be with him. donghyuck didn’t fear the consequences of ending the life he had always led to be with mark. he just wanted to be with him.

when donghyuck stepped out of the shower and dried himself off, he wiped the steam off the mirror to see himself. and he really  _ saw  _ himself. nothing fake, no fear, no front that he had put on. and he smiled. he felt more happy as a sinner than he ever did as a good christian. 

-

the two school days donghyuck was forced to endure before mark came over were pure torture. because now, mark was unabashedly staring at donghyuck. but at least now, donghyuck allowed himself to stare back. now, he took pride in the pinkness on his cheeks that appeared when mark looked at him. he flaunted it like a trophy-- he wanted mark to  _ see  _ how he made him feel. 

donghyuck had also, in those two days, taken a keen interest in his own appearance. he had always cared about what he looked like, wanting to be presentable. his hair was always done and he took care of his skin. but now, donghyuck looked at himself in the mirror an almost embarrassing amount. and what was even more embarrassing-- he  _ loved  _ what he saw. 

donghyuck had never thought he was ugly, no. he had never really sat down and thought about how attractive he was. but now, donghyuck was almost  _ obsessed  _ with his body. of course, his recent self-discovery probably had something to do with it. before and after each shower he’d just stare at himself, admiring what he saw. he was proud of the way he looked, and he wanted to flaunt it. 

donghyuck had shook his head as he stepped into the shower. he honestly felt like he had gotten ahead of himself on this whole path of being true to himself. he felt almost power-crazy with this newfound person inside of him. but then, donghyuck thought, maybe it wasn’t really a ‘newfound person’. maybe this person had been living inside him all along, confident and unafraid, but he had pushed it down for so long it had never been able to show. 

he almost felt sorry for himself. he had spent so long trying to please others he didn’t even know who he really was. but now was no time to worry over that. no, donghyuck had his awakening. and if he felt like he majorly changed, it was because he  _ had _ . for the better. 

tuesday morning, while getting ready for school, donghyuck was shirtless in his mirror. he studied the moles going down and across his chest and traced his fingers along them. he adored the way they looked on his tan skin. he was beautiful. and he couldn’t wait for mark to see it.

the school day passed by as always, mark and donghyuck exchanging heated glances across the table or classroom. at lunch, he teased donghyuck as he always did, this time for how he had perfectly answered all of their teacher’s questions. donghyuck teased back, obviously. he didn’t want to rouse any suspicions from their friends.

that was the worst part of all of this, though. donghyuck had discovered this new part of himself that he had kept locked up for so long, but it wasn’t like he was free. he still had to act good and kind and follow the rules and live up to the expectations he had set for himself with his history of being a good christian.

but whenever donghyuck looked to mark, he felt relieved. he could tell it all to mark, and that was one less person he had to hide from. and he felt like he could be content with that for now. 

donghyuck and mark, living down the street from one another, obviously rode the same bus. however, donghyuck sat with park jisung, a kid a grade younger than him who was miraculously hilarious, and mark sat farther back with wong yukhei, the senior who was the loudest person donghyuck had ever met. 

donghyuck made small talk with jisung, as he did everyday, joking around as he always did. he wondered it jisung noticed how often he glanced to the back of the bus to see if mark was looking at him. and every time, donghyuck had narrowed his eyes in frustration because  _ why wasn’t mark looking at him _ . he had all the courage in the world at school, but 10 minutes before they hang out, he won’t even look at him. 

when the bus finally came to their stop, donghyuck suddenly felt how nervous he was. his heart was almost beating out of his chest, but as he walked down the aisle he took a breath and assured himself that this would go well. he just hoped mark wanted him too.

donghyuck stepped off the bus and waited for mark to come off. when he saw him, at the top of the steps, he realized yet again how attractive mark was. he looked donghyuck right in the eyes, with that same cocky smile. and of course, donghyuck smiled right back. 

“ready to study the good word?” donghyuck had asked as him and mark headed up his driveway, nearly a foot between them and yet donghyuck felt his face getting warm.

mark had looked back at him curiously. “i can’t tell if you’re being serious or not. because it  _ would  _ be like you to actually make me study the good word.”

donghyuck hummed. “mark, i’ve changed. i told you i was up for the challenge. i want to prove to you i’m not what you say i am.” he answered, ensuring that he sounded confident. because he was confident. he did want to show mark himself.

mark looked surprised again, just like he had after mass. “really?” he inquired. “and what has made the prude go whore?” 

donghyuck tried not to be shocked by the crude language, but he was sure his eyes widened. he didn’t not like it, in fact he liked the way those words sounded when mark said them, but he was not used to them so casually. he answered, “i made the choice for myself. i don’t want to be a prude.” 

mark smiled back at him. they walked up donghyuck’s front porch steps, and before opening the door, mark had looked at him. “you do look happier.” donghyuck was sure that was the nicest thing mark had said to him, and his heart fluttered from the words. “however, it’s harder to make fun of you now.” 

they entered donghyuck’s house and went into his kitchen to greet his mother. donghyuck became aware of his own impatience as his mother asked them about their days and donghyuck couldn’t stop shifting his feet. he did notice, though, how mark wasn’t exactly disrespectful to his mother. he didn’t exactly talk formally, but donghyuck was just glad he didn’t swear at her. 

“teach him well, will you donghyuck?” his mother asked, to which donghyuck enthusiastically nodded. 

“of course. i’ve got all my notes from this week’s sermons, we’re gonna start there.” he told his mom. she looked proud as she patted donghyuck’s arm affectionately. she looked to mark. 

“your parents are coming for dinner, at around 6ish. so just wrap up by then, okay boys?” she glanced at them expectandly.

donghyuck noticed mark glancing his way. he didn’t look back, just answered to his mom, “sounds good.” she nodded sweetly, then turned away to resume cooking.

donghyuck motioned for mark to follow him up to his room, and that 30 seconds they spent walking up the stairs felt more tense than anything donghyuck had ever experienced. he licked his lips nervously, excited but also painfully aware of how big of a deal this was. donghyuck almost felt as if he was entering a new life. 

donghyuck led mark into his room, noticing with a warm heart how mark studied his room. donghyuck was suddenly a little embarrassed by the crosses on his walls, but he hoped mark overlooked them for the band and movie posters. 

donghyuck shut the door behind both of them, watching mark look around. finally, mark said, “it’s just like you.” donghyuck blinked. 

“what do you mean?”

mark glanced at him. “did you hang the crosses yourself?” he asked. donghyuck let out a breath at the question, not surprised mark had said something. 

“no, they’ve been up since i was a baby.” donghyuck answered, glaring at the one right above his bed. it had always been there. watching over him. 

“you have them up because someone told you you should have them up. right?” mark sat down at the end of donghyuck’s bed, slipping his shoes off. donghyuck realized that mark  _ knew _ what donghyuck was going through-- why he was the way he was. donghyuck assumed all atheists could see through the catholic ways.

“you mean, just like my christianity? i do it because they tell me to?” donghyuck raised his brows at mark as he sat next to him on the bed, also taking his shoes off. mark nodded, tilting his head at donghyuck.

“you understand what i meant?” mark asked curiously.

donghyuck smiled at that question. “not all christians are idiots, mark.” mark laughed at that, a wonderful sound. donghyuck continued, “that’s part of the reason for my change. i didn’t-- i don’t-- want to be like this. all uptight and… traditional and  _ prudish _ . it’s what i’ve known forever. i was like that because everyone told me to be. but now i know more.” he felt a weight leave his chest as these thoughts left his mind into the air for the first time. 

donghyuck didn’t know when he started trembling, but he realized he was when mark had scooted closer to him. so much closer to him. mark’s eyes sparkled as they always did, and donghyuck could almost feel the warmth of his skin even though they hadn’t even touched each other. donghyuck wondered if this was what falling in love felt like.

“what do you know now?” mark asked expectantly. he was so close to donghyuck that he lowered his voice. donghyuck parted his lips to say something, but he forgot everything as he looked farther into mark’s eyes and he wondered with everything in him how this could be a sin when it felt so right. when mark looked like that, and donghyuck  _ wanted  _ this. how could this be wrong.

“i know that i want you, mark.” donghyuck answered, voice barely reaching a whisper. mark blinked at him and donghyuck saw boundless emotions and thoughts in mark’s eyes. each one of them beautiful and raw and human and  _ right _ . when mark remained silent, donghyuck swallowed. “do you want me, mark?” 

donghyuck saw mark’s chest rise and fall with a deep breath. “i never hated you, donghyuck. you were the only person who would fight back, that’s why i’d always pick a fight. i loved the push and pull. it was bittersweet, to know i could never have someone like you because you hated me. but now you, you want me, and… donghyuck, i’ve  _ always  _ wanted you.”

donghyuck had never felt a happiness close to the one he felt as mark spoke to him. he could cry from happiness. he wanted mark, in every way. he wanted to be drowned with mark. because mark understood him, and still wanted him even as a prude, and he wants him now. 

donghyuck felt everything inside of him reach a boiling point. all of his fear disappeared, and newfound confidence surged through his body. this was lee donghyuck. he was led by his confidence and his passion, by his own desires and decisions, and not what others said. he felt like himself for the first time in his life. 

donghyuck leaned forward and connected his lips to mark’s. mark’s body stuttered in shock, but soon he relaxed and kissed donghyuck back. donghyuck honestly had no idea what he was doing, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. mark snaked a hand around donghyuck’s neck and into his hair and it felt so nice. and the kissing also felt so nice. mark’s lips were soft and warm and welcoming. 

mark’s tongue prodded at donghyuck’s lips, to which he opened his mouth and was pleasantly surprised to feel mark lick into his mouth. it felt kinda gross, but donghyuck would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. donghyuck brought his hands up to mark’s cheeks, stroking the skin softly with his thumbs as mark continued to deepen the kiss. 

soon, the two parted to take a breath, and donghyuck had a beaming smile across his face. mark smiled back at him. both of them were panting, and mark slid his uniform jacket off of his shoulders. “more?” mark inquired. 

donghyuck, although he still had no clue what that meant, he wanted all of mark he could get. donghyuck slid off his jacket too. mark slid farther back on donghyuck’s bed, and he motioned for donghyuck to sit on his  _ lap.  _ he almost felt scandalized, but soon realized he felt more turned on than scandalized by the proposal. 

donghyuck crawled across the bed and threw his legs to straddle mark’s and exhaled at how intimate it was. mark’s head was right below his, and his pink lips almost beckoned donghyuck to kiss him again. so, of course, donghyuck complied, leaning down to kiss him.

they instantly went for open-mouth kisses, donghyuck relishing the messy feeling of their tongues meeting and how their saliva combined. donghyuck was shocked at how  _ gross  _ he should find that, but he didn’t at all. 

they continued kissing, donghyuck not afraid of showing how eager he was. he dug his hands into mark’s hair, loving the little breaths mark let out when he pulled at the strands.

mark had pulled away, smiling up at donghyuck. “who knew you had this in you?” he breathed. donghyuck leaned down and licked into mark’s mouth, humming contentedly when he saw how it shocked mark.

“i didn’t know i had it in me either.” donghyuck confessed.

“you’re really pretty, you know?” mark asked, and donghyuck melted at the praise. “you always have been. annoying, but gorgeous.” he smiled.

donghyuck leaned in so that his nose was touching mark’s. “i could say the same about you--” he said, only to be cut off by mark’s lips against his. which donghyuck had no complaints about.

they continued making out for minutes uninterrupted until donghyuck shifted his body. mark’s hand had ghosted over his clothed dick, and donghyuck had let out a gasp so sudden that he sounded hurt. he blushed instantly at how he reacted to the slightest touch. “i’m sorry.” he murmured to mark, leaning forward and burying his head in mark’s shoulder out of embarrassment.

mark smiled and rubbed donghyuck’s thigh comfortingly. “don’t be embarrassed... “ he hummed. then, he quietly added. “do you want me to touch you?” so that’s what ‘more’ was to mark. donghyuck took note, before lifting his head off mark’s shoulder to meet mark’s gaze.

donghyuck blinked, trying to gauge if mark was giving a genuine offer. donghyuck licked his lips. “i do.” he said, honestly. he wanted mark to touch him so badly, and he didn’t know if he was making his puppy eyes at mark on purpose or if it just happened. 

“you’re somehow cute and sexy at the same time.” mark chuckled as he reached for the button on donghyuck’s pants. donghyuck let out a choked breath, at both the compliment and at how close mark was to touching him. 

mark unzipped donghyuck’s pants and palmed him through his underwear. donghyuck sucked in a sharp breath, the pleasure undeniable. mark also showed no hesitance, his confidence sending heat straight to donghyuck’s stomach. 

donghyuck had to slap his hand over his mouth when mark reached into his underwear and grabbed his length in one motion. donghyuck moaned, long and drawn-out, into his hand. the contact from mark’s hand felt so different from his own. mark pulled donghyuck’s length out and donghyuck watched as mark spit into his own hand, and god,  _ why  _ did donghyuck find spit so sexy?

donghyuck scrunched his eyes shut with pleasure the moment mark started moving his slick hand. donghyuck let out all of his noises into his hand, not sure how well they were being muffled. but he couldn’t help himself but to let out some noise. it felt so  _ good _ , better and closer and realer than anything he had ever felt. donghyuck felt like a fiery coil was tightening in his stomach and with each stroke, it got closer to snapping. 

“you’re so loud, it’s so sexy.” mark murmured, and that only spurred donghyuck on more. he keened at the praise, accidentally bucking his hips into mark’s hand. donghyuck opened his eyes, and suddenly realized he shouldn’t leave mark hanging while he was getting treated. and of course, he wanted to touch mark too.

donghyuck removed his hand from his mouth, putting all his cognitive energy into not releasing any noises as he asked, “mark, can i touch you too?” mark nodded eagerly, and of course, donghyuck lived to serve.

donghyuck reached forward and undid mark’s pants, which was extremely difficult as someone jacked him off at the same time, but he eventually got it and pulled out mark’s dick. he was longer than donghyuck, not that donghyuck cared, but it was strangely… impressive to him. mark’s length was also warm in his hand, and donghyuck loved the feeling, loved the weight of holding it. he did as mark had and spit into his hand before reaching down to spread the slickness and start jerking him off.

donghyuck didn’t struggle with being too loud now, as he focused on getting mark off, really hoping he was doing a good job. but from the shakiness of mark’s breathing, donghyuck felt confident that he was doing well. just for the hell of it, he gripped a little harder, and savored the sound of mark’s choked breath.

as the both of them reached a steady pace with their hands, donghyuck felt swallowed whole by how intimate this was. he was on mark’s lap, looking down at him as he stroked him. a few times, mark had met donghyuck’s eyes and the closeness was almost suffocating, but donghyuck adored it. this was exactly what he wanted. it felt incredible to be so close to mark. 

“feels so good, hyuckie.” mark had breathed out, his head leaning back and donghyuck keened at the nickname, letting out a moan that was a little too loud, mark opening his eyes at the sound and smirking at donghyuck. donghyuck couldn’t help but thinking that mark’s cockiness was sexy, from the way his eyes blinked up at donghyuck. it was intoxicating.

mark had sped up his hand and donghyuck had to bite his lip to keep from letting out another sound. his hand on mark’s dick stuttered. “i don’t know how much longer--” donghyuck breathed, voice weak, to be cut off by a sharp inhale from mark.

“don’t worry, me either.” mark said, and he sounded so  _ ruined  _ that it helped donghyuck along, and he leaned forward, his head on mark’s shoulder. and donghyuck was so thankful that mark could tell, as he sped up his hand, and within seconds, donghyuck came hard into mark’s hand and accidentally  _ bit  _ into mark’s shoulder to keep himself quiet. 

immediately after biting, donghyuck had leaned back to apologize to mark, but at the same time, mark let out a low groan and came. donghyuck realized with a sly smile that mark  _ liked  _ the bite.

donghyuck stroked mark to completion, the both of them left panting for moments before their eyes met. donghyuck’s heart warmed the moment he met mark’s gaze, the boy blinking sleepily at him. mark leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to donghyuck’s lips, before the two separated to clean themselves up.

mark swore and donghyuck laughed as they tried to get the come off of their school pants, donghyuck giggling that maybe they should’ve taken their pants off, to which mark replied, “no shit.” he loved that mark stayed snarky.

once they were cleaned up, they went and settled on the edge of donghyuck’s bed. donghyuck felt as if he was glowing, as if he had just released everything that had been pent up within him for the last 16 years. he  _ had  _ actually started a new life, as himself. and he let out a satisfied, content sigh as he glanced warmly over to mark.

mark was blinking at him. mark asked softly, “did you get what you wanted?” donghyuck tilted his head at the question. 

“that wasn’t  _ all  _ i wanted, mark.” donghyuck hummed, leaning forward and rubbing his hand softly against mark’s cheek. “i want all of you, all of the time.” donghyuck told him. and he was being honest. 

mark had smiled at him. “i want you too, donghyuck.” they stared at each other for a moment, eyes warm and intimate in a way that made donghyuck’s heart flutter. “do you think we can get away with a nap before dinner?” mark asked, leaning back on donghyuck’s bed and shutting his eyes.

donghyuck leaned back next to mark and shut his eyes. “if we can get away with what we just did, i’m sure we can get away with a nap.”

and so, maybe lee donghyuck wasn’t a good christian. maybe he liked boys, and gave in to temptation, and touched himself. 

maybe lee donghyuck was a sinner. before, that word would strike fear into donghyuck’s soul. but now he could say with full sincerity that he didn’t care. 

donghyuck didn’t care because he had no reason to seek approval. donghyuck didn’t  _ want _ the approval of those around him anymore. they could call him a sinner, they could call him a saint. donghyuck didn’t care because he now knew that he was complete. whether he was a sinner or whether he was a good christian, he needed to take care of himself before others. he needed to heed his own advice and make his own decisions.

lee donghyuck knew he wasn’t a good christian anymore. but he knew a lot more than just that. he knew he was confident. he knew what he wanted to do. he knew he wanted mark lee. and he knew himself. 

and for him, that was enough.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you to all who read. i'm not great at writing smut and the ending is weaker than i would've hoped, but i hope you enjoyed nonetheless. feedback is bliss!


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